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Category: Comedy

“What if Dear Abby and Dear Prudence were a giant two headed monster?” We (Violet & Petunia, the ettin) answer questions and give advice on topics such as: “What exactly constitutes a town, and why exactly does that not include basically anything monster owned and operated?” or “What are your thoughts on necromancy as a renewable source of minions?” or “Is that screaming coming from *my* basement?”

June 30, 2017

Episode 15: Brownie Points

The ladies are coming to you live from the aftermath of a gory and slightly unexpected battle. I mean, we expected a battle. Just not this exact battle. Nestor's dark secret is exposed.

June 16, 2017

Episode 14: Bake/Off

We could eat a peach muffin for hours, but unfortunately there's no time for that. At the much-anticipated baking competition, Petunia stumbled onto a disturbing revelation, and has rushed home with a very confused Violet in tow to tell you all about it.

June 2, 2017

Episode 13: To Halve and to Halve Not

Please excuse us, we're a little... out of sync. You might say we are twice the Ettin we once were. Violet is enjoying it, Petunia is not. We're a bit divided on the matter.

May 19, 2017

Episode 12: “Cross”-Training

Get it? Because Violet is cross, and Petunia's training to read letters in her stead? 

Don't judge me.

May 5, 2017

Episode 11: The Dark’s Tower

How can Nestor fix the drywall on his damaged tower? After his latest scathing letter, we're not sure Violet cares. Also, Missing Monster Watch; and who says Sphinxes have to ask riddles anyway?

April 21, 2017

Episode 10: Matters of the Heart(less)

Lots of questions about love today. Nestor crosses a line. Also, it sure is difficult sometimes for an enhanced Ettin to have wildly different, eh, skill sets, and little alone time. 

April 7, 2017

Episode 9: Back to Bake-sics

Petunia's been montage-ing Violet through rigorous baking training in anticipation of the bake-off.  Half-dad is found. Whatever. Also, some good advice about Vorpal bunnies.

March 24, 2017

Episode 8: Gratitude, Or Whatever

Violet reads a *cough* heartfelt letter of thanks to the one who helped us out of our, er, predicament. Petunia gets back to us with those exciting statistics she promised.

March 10, 2017


Petunia blushes at a letter from Asgard. The ladies discuss the ethical implications of magically enhanced items and OH NO

March 3, 2017

Busted Bestiary 1: Manticores

A reading and analysis of the Guide to Monsters and its slanderous take on our good friend Susanna- we mean, Manticores.